What’s that smell?

I had the privilege to fly home for Christmas this year. The only problem is that I hate flying, but I was very very excited to see my family and my girlfriend.

The problem with flying for me is that I get really anxious about being late and not making flights. So, my nerves are on overdrive until I get on the last plane I need to. I literally get up super early and get to the airport about 4 hours before I need to. I’ll then sit down and check and recheck the schedule and scope out the gate only to realize that it won’t open for about two and a half hours. I do it every time. I don’t know why.

So, I got to my first connection in Berlin and of course my plane was delayed about a half hour. This wouldn’t be a problem except that I had a really tight connection in Zurich where my next flight was. The entire flight over to Zurich I was fidgeting around and checking my watch. I think I thoroughly freaked out anyone who was sitting near me. Once we landed I shoved off the plane as fast as I could trying to avoid the old people and the wheelchairs, but there may have been a few accidental bumps.

I made it to my next gate just in time and started to let my nerves calm down. Now the next worse thing about traveling is finding out who you’re sitting next to and who’s sitting around you. I got to the front of the line and found my seat. It wasn’t a bad seat, but it wasn’t great. It wasn’t next to the bathroom door and was in the aisle. That’s about all one can wish for. I then saw the guy who was sitting next to me. He seemed ok and sat down reading a magazine for a while. The people around me all seemed to be alright too. I thought it was going to be an easy eight hour flight. Little did I know…

The next thing that happened was that one of the guys to the back left of me was asked to move his seat to let a lady and her baby sit there for whatever reason. I’m not sure why, but I think it was because it was near the bathroom. I don’t mind kids on flights. Some people can’t stand it, but about an hour into the flight I heard some ruffling and some gasps. I turned around and gaped in horror. It took me a minute to process, but the girl, who had been crying for the past few minutes, had just crapped all over he mother and the floor. For whatever reason, her mother thought it would be a good time to test out her daughters ability not to wear a diaper. Clearly, she wasn’t ready.She then proceeded to take the kid into the aisle and change her pooped covered clothes for everyone to see. The smell needn’t be described, but you can imagine. This was slowly turning into a nightmare. The flight crew came about 10 minutes later and sprayed something all over the lady and the floor and then went on serving out meals.

About two hours later, I had just blanked out the smell and the images from before as best as I could when I heard a faint ‘meow’. Now this really confused me. I’ve never seen a live animal on the plane before. The man next to me then said that he had his cat with him. I prodded some more and he showed me its passport and said he was bringing it back home with him and that it was under his seat. Very strange. I then wondered how a cat would be able to control itself on a plane for eight hours. This was a legitimate thought. About ten minutes after I thought that, I heard a quick meow, then some purring, and then smelled cat pee.

This mixed with the child’s accident was almost unbearrable and festered for the next five hours. When we landed the people around me were bleary eyed and looking violent. As soon as the seatbelt sign went off, people shoved and pushed as quickly as they could to get away from the sess pool. I pushed passed the poo covered lady and stepped on the cat’s tail by accident and fell out of the plane. We had arrived on time, but I am forever traumitized. I will let you know how the respond to my letter of complaint.

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1 Comment

Filed under insanity

One response to “What’s that smell?

  1. Claire

    Wow! I’ve heard of some pretty… “interesting”… plane rides before, but I think that one takes the cake. You’re lucky that the combination of smells didn’t catalyze any additional vomit smells! Are people even allowed to bring their animals on the plane? I’ve seen it before; small dogs in small kennels, but I for one am unfortunately horrendously allergic to cats. if they aren’t allowed to serve peanuts, how are animals allowed to ride with passengers?

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