God damn this infernal contraption! Fitz, fetch the abbicus!

Citizens of Internet!

This is my first attempt to rise like a Suyoz spacecraft into the blogosphere, and I barely made it. I was beset by befuddlement, overcome with confusion at the disorienting layout. It was like trying to suckle the water of knowledge from a fire hydrant.

Did I nearly fail at the simple task of setting up an account because I am an idiot? A mouth breathing ludite? Some San Francisco post-beatnik hipster rube obsessed with laughably outdated things like Shakespeare and 70s punk music!

No! I am not to blame. INTERNET is the culprit! TECHNOLOGY is evil and alienating and makes all into horrid little robot people who cannot LOVE and LIVE and THRIVE and REVEL IN THE WONDERS OF THE WORLD! O, for the days when man was free to run around in the open and slay the woolly mammoth with his spear! When we lived of the wild fruits and berries and sometimes died of dysentery because of them. When men were MEN because we didn’t use hand sanitizer and get carpel tunnel from typing.

Ranting about the evils of technology on a computer. How delicious. No one is as clever as I am. I am FIRST and I am BEST.


I understand the redundancy and irony.

And, I say to hell with it! DAMN IT TO THE BOWELS OF HELL!

Zounds! Filmflam! Hogwash!

REDUNDANCY is the whole purpose of having blogs, right? ENDLESS commentary on insignificant things. It’s not enough to have an opinion. You must have MY opinion, since MINE is important. ME ME ME! Blogs, as I understand it, are about NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE! And I can make more noise than YOU!


(At this time, Slobdingnang would like you to make as much noise as possible for a good ten seconds or more, wherever you happen to be. Slobdingnag would then like you to consider that, however loud your noise was, his was louder. He has a big booming voice from years of theatre training and a very special set of genetic proclivities that are probably linked to his ability to grow this really big old beard).

ENOUGH! I grow weary of this.

This is what I really have to say:

I am in a production of Aristophanes’ The Frogs right now (if you’re in the San Francisco Bay Area, you can come and see it I suppose – http://www.atmostheatre.com). In the play, the god Dionysus travels to Hades to resurrect a playwright to save the arts. After judging a poetry battle between two great Greek tragedians, Euripides (ME! ME! I PLAY HIM! LOOK AT ME!) and Aeschylus, he decides to take the latter back to Athens. He argues that while Euripides is certainly clever and talented, Aeschylus has something to say.

There’s a line at from the play’s epilogue that I quite like:

“They don’t care whether their plays are art
But only whether the words are smart.”

I’m interested to hear how people react to this line. I think it can be applied to any form of communication.

What are we doing with this blog that is different? That is valuable? If there is nothing, WHY DOES IT EXIST AT ALL?

I want us to justify having this blog, so that it’s not just another receptacle for nonsense. (Or, if it is, it’s the finest god damn one on in cyberspace).

From this point forward, I will endeavor to honest as possible when I post, and speak when I have something to say.

See how long I keep to that.

Yours, until the unraveling of time,




Filed under insanity

2 responses to “God damn this infernal contraption! Fitz, fetch the abbicus!

  1. simmerdownnow

    Intriguing! A mixture of Shakespearean eloquence and Dr. Seuss charm make this quite a dynamic piece. Very well written Sir.

  2. zazaglen

    Redundancy mixed with nostalgia and flavoured with pretentiousness and a dash of humour and the correct using of capital letters made this a most engaging read.

    Thank you for the insanity.

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