Category Archives: insanity

Dramatic Increase in Diabetes Believed to be Caused by “Icing” Phenomenon

Dramatic Increase in Diabetes Believed to be Caused by “Icing” Phenomenon

By BUNK LAMPOON

New York, NY. — A report last week showed an alarming increase in diabetes among the 20-30 year olds. Doctors are blaming this spike on a new fad called “Icing.”

The Icing tradition has become popular within the past few months. It is a game where if a person is presented with a Smirnoff Ice they must get on one knee and drink the bottle. One can counter being Iced by carrying another Ice with them. If this occurs, the original person who presented the Ice must now drink two.

A few helpless victims have fallen prey to the negative side effects of this twisted fad. One such case is that of Rob Jones. He never carried an ice on him to counter his fratmates love for the game. Because of this he was “Iced” a staggering 27 times in two days.  Rob was found confused, shirtless, and inebriated in a local Wendy’s. He was taken to the local hospital where he was informed of his pre-diabetic condition.

Rob’s fratmate, Tucker Richardson, stated, “it was really funny until his pancreas stopped working.” Rob and has now sworn off Icing as an “evil game,” while Tucker still continues to ice people, but “less intensely.”

Rob’s doctor, Julie Green commented saying that she’s “confused at why people are doing this to one another. They think it’s all fun and games, but the amount of sugar in these drinks is staggering. It’s like drinking four alcohol soaked pixie sticks.”

School officials are now proposing bans on the fad since several of these cases have sprung up around the country. Politicians seem to be taking sides too with an election year coming up. Republicans are refusing to support any legislation banning Icing stating that it is an attack on “traditional values,” while Democratic politicians are outraged and calling for a ban on Icing and a dramatic tax on all of Smirnoff’s products.

Spokespeople from Smirnoff refused to comment, but have been trying to curb the Icing phenomenon since it started becoming popular. For now, the fad continues but doctors are hoping to get ahead of it by labeling it as a public health crisis..

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I’m Yours — Ukulele

I think this kid sings this song better than the original.

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The Unpaid Internship – Economic Discrimination

I feel a bit better after ranting in yesterday’s post, but I feel the topic of the unpaid internship needs its own special post.

Whilst talking to my girlfriend, she blurted out, “Why don’t interns get paid minimum wage?”

Now, this is a fair question, and after doing a bit of research. A great post over at ‘One Day, One Internship’ outlines some of the legal issues regarding interns. Here are some highlights:

First: “…The U.S. Department of Labor’s Wage and Hour Division created a test to determine whether a “trainee” or intern is considered an “employee” based on a 1947 Supreme Court decision that evaluated whether “prospective train yard brakemen were ‘employees’ within the meaning of the Fair Labor Standards Act.” The test requires that all 6 of the following statements are true about the intern’s time with the company.

1. If the training, even though it includes actual operation of the facilities of the employer, is similar to training which would be given in a vocational school;

2. If the training is for the benefit of the trainee;

3. If the trainees do not displace regular employees, but work under close observation;

4. If the employer that provides the training derives no immediate advantage from the activities of the trainees and, on occasion, the employer’s operations are actually impeded;

5. If the trainees are not necessarily entitled to employment at the completion of the training period;

6. If the employer and the trainees understand that the trainees are not entitled to wages for the time spent in training.” (source: http://www.onedayoneinternship.com/blog/are-unpaid-internships-illegal/)”

Second: “The Fair Labor Standards Handbook for States, Local Governments and Schools, does, however, go into great detail about when a student intern is not considered an “employee.”

As a rule, the Department of Labor will not consider students to be employees when they are involved in education or training programs that are “designed to provide students with professional experience in the furtherance of their education and training and are academically oriented for their benefit” (Wage and Hour Opinion Letter, Jan. 28, 1988).

Furthermore,

In a May 10, 1983, opinion letter, the Department of Labor determined that where students would receive college credits for performing an “internship… which involves the students in real-life situations and provides the students with educational experiences unobtainable in a classroom setting,” the interns would not be considered employees.” (source: : http://www.onedayoneinternship.com/blog/are-unpaid-internships-illegal/)”

Another law blog goes on to contradict this last statement and says all unpaid internships to students receiving credit are illegal. Sounds like the unpaid internship is as murky as a public toilet.  Basically, if your internship does not meet all of the criteria above it is considered illegal under the Fair Labor Standards Act. Even if it is fairly confusing.

Personally, I know of many interns that have violated this act and feel that it is pretty commonplace. Company’s advertise these positions to new workers in exchange for experience.  Instead, interns are forced to fill in most of the busy work that employees would rather not do.

There are many problems with this system including economic discrimination to people who can’t afford to take a year off and work for free to make the right connections and gain experience. There is lax enforcement of these standards and it is creating an environment where employers abuse insecure young labor to work for free. Unfortunately, I don’t see this changing anytime soon and only getting worse in the recession as companies try to save money, jobs are harder to come by, and insecurities are on the rise. It’s high time the Labor Department took a closer look at this issue.

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Complaints From the Unemployed

Dammit!

Now that I’m back from Germany, I’m having the wonderful experience of searching for a job in the worst economy since the Great Depression. While this is an experience I’ll be able to hang over my children and grandchildren’s heads with lines like, “when I was a kid…” and “you don’t even know how easy you have it…” But nonetheless, it is extremely unpleasant, and really makes one wonder what the real worth of a college education is. During this process, I’ve noticed a few things to complain about.

Unpaid Internships

I empathize with anyone who does these because it really means they’ve given up hope for a while. They’ve hit rock bottom so hard that they will work for free after shelling out $120,000 all so they can say they have experience. While in theory gaining experience is wonderful, but I have a feeling this may be one of those experiences where you say to yourself, “why did I do that?”.

In addition, you normally end up in a bad situation where you have to live in the middle of a city, pay rent, buy food, and anything else you might need. You then see all of your friends with real jobs having social lives. Not to mention interns aren’t really entitled to benefits.

Honestly, I’d rather work at McDonalds where I can eat French fries and make a little money. I’d also be able hone my people skills dealing with all the unpaid interns who are forced to eat there because they can’t afford anything else.

Répondez s’il vous plaît

I understand that things have gotten a little impersonal in the Internet age, but I do have to say that it is downright rude and annoying when they don’t even take the time to write a one-line e-mail saying, “we hate you, and you’re not hired.” I could deal with that. Then at least I know someone has read at least looked at my resume and cover letter and possibly used it as a napkin.

But not replying is mean. People take time and effort to write their resumes and cover letters and most of these companies have departments called Human Resources whose sole job is to work on these types of things. I’m pretty sure a lot of these human resource departments are Dick Cheney clones sitting next to giant pits with fires at the bottom. These clones then proceed to throw cover letters and resumes in whilst adding each name to Santa’s naughty list. I think this standard needs to change.

Give me one line. It can be offensive, insulting, or whatever. I spent 4 hours writing a cover letter deciding which was the best way to write a paragraph. Please, just a response.

Linked-In

Has anyone gotten a job on Linked-in? The alleged recruiters who scan this social site are like Bigfoot. There are lots of rumors and videos of them. Conspiracy theorists (being me) think these rumors were started by Linked-in as a way to advertise.

Unfortunately, the site is very addicting. One can upload their resumes and get recommendations holding on to the glimmer of a hope that someone will actually read it, and even more miraculously, offer you a job.

For now, the unemployed, myself included, are living in fantasy worlds hoping Linked-in will bring us back to the real world.

This job search they have is very promising. If only my profile was a little better. Better update it one more time…

Know of any other announces? Also, check out or post on Job Hunting for Dummies (yes linkedin is on there)

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Chuck Norris vs. A Bear

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Passive Aggressive Food Habits That Will Piss Off Your Roommates

Having two sisters, a family that loves to snack, and several roommates, I must say I’ve seen some of the craziest snacking habits there are. A few of these are just evil, and when done will leave their helpless victim confused and in a strangely bad mood.

1) The Disappearing Marshmallow! This fiendish person steals all the marshmallows out of the Lucky Charms or any other cereal that will lead to diabetes. They leave the bland nasty cardboard hoops that make chewing on sand seem like a good idea. Your forced to eat this cereal because you’ve already filled your bowl and are too lazy to put it back. If you’re lucky you may get a stray horseshoe which you will bitterly save and eat last as if making some kind of statement. You then confront all your roommates, but they are all sure to deny having any involvement, leaving you in an uncontrollable rage which makes you lash out and look like an asshole. But all you want are some goddamn marshmallows in your cereal. The only way to catch the culprit is by checking the toilet boil for rainbow colored poo stains, and this is a job no one wants to do.

2) Frosting Fiend- A cruel, evil, and strange ritual. This person will eat the frosting in the middle of the Oreos, stick them back together, and then put the debased cookie back in the box. You reach for a delicious treat after pouring a heaping glass of milk only to recoil in disgust realizing some lunatic has just ruined your favorite snack and appetite. Admittedly, you’ll get the last laugh in that these cookies are notoriously bad for your heart, but they still taste like something from King George’s personal snack cabinet. The culprit will again deny any involvement, but will most likely start to experience heart problems.

3) Spooner– You wake up at the ass crack of dawn and only want a little quiet and a nice cup of coffee. You go through the ritual and pour your cup. You then reach for the spoon in the sugar bowl only to realize it has been contaminated. There is a 4 pound ball of congealed coffee sugar attached to the spoon and more coffee lumps floating around in the sugar bowl. Some smart ass decided to use the spoon to stir their coffee, and then thought it be a good idea to stick it back in the bowl. You’re still too tired to do anything and leave the bowl for the next person to deal with. You bitterly drink your black coffee and head off to a most-likely ruined day.

4) The Double Dipper – Unlike most of our culprits, this person makes no effort to cover their tracks. It’s this in-your-face assault that makes it so much worse. A group of friends gathers to watch a movie or hang out and of course there are some chips and salsa. As the double dipper sneeze and hacks up a lung they eat half their chip, lick it, and then stick it back into the salsa for some more. Most of the people didn’t notice, but you sure as hell did. No more salsa for you, but you’ll also be avoiding the plague. The unfortunate people at the party who didn’t notice will come down with a horrible cold in a few days and not know why.

5) Food Bandit – You spend about half your pay-check a week on your groceries. You buy a steak or some other beautiful specimen of food and look forward to eating it all week. You say, “Friday, I’m going to have a wonderful meal.” Little do you realize that the bandit has struck. You look in the fridge and on first glimpse don’t see it.

A slight hint of panic enters your mind, but you brush it off. It’s probably in the back of the fridge, right? It’s been a day or two since you bought it..

The the true panic hits. You start swearing and throwing old Chinese food against the wall, tearing up salad, eating raw salami, but all to no avail. The food is gone and on its way to the sewers. You shed a small tear, eat the old Chinese food which makes you sick, and head to bed.

6) Chipper – Everyone loves to grab the occasional handful of chips from the communal chip bag, but not all of us like to close the bag. Despite being 90% preservatives chips have a tendency to turn bad quicker than a crack addict with no money. You reach in and grab a handful, making a slight mental note that the bag was open. “Probably fine,” you think. Wrong. Your mouth is hit with a chewy cardboard that sticks between your teeth. You run to the sink and try to wash it out, but those chips are going to be lodged in your mouth for a good couple of hours.

7) I’ll eat it later – My, my, that take-out was good. So was that food we made the other day. Best save it. Now, don’t get me wrong leftovers are amazing, but this person seems to have some kind of amnesia about the food they leave behind. About a week after this person has forgotten a strange odor starts to emanate from the kitchen, a growl may be heard. You open the fridge door and a small furry creature has taken over. An entire shelf has been compromised. You are forced to go shopping and spend the rest of the little money you have.

Which one are you? Know of any others?

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The ‘Hello’ Challenge

I have a dare, and I’m not sure if anyone will actually do it, but if they do, please write a post about it.

I’ve heard a few stories about people, who for one day, went out and said “hello” to every person that came within a 10 foot radius of them. This may seem absurd, and I think it is to some degree, but I also found in very interesting. Everyday we pass hundreds of people and all without an acknowledgment of any kind. I’m not sure how I’d react if some stranger was just saying hello to me, but I’m sure it would make me think and probably cheer me up a bit.

There was an article about a man who did this a while back, but unfortunately I’m having trouble finding it (if anyone knows of it, please post it in the comments).

So, here’s the challenge: Pick a day, and on this day you must say ‘hello’ to everyone who comes within your 10 foot bubble – no exceptions. You also have to go about the day like you normally would. So, no holding up in your room all day. If you do accept this challenge, you must write about it here in a post. There’s 20$ to the first person to complete the challenge in full.

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