Dick Cheney’s Revenge.
It’s true! There are deep symbols hidden betwixt the photoshop layers of The Junkyard banner, but don’t let ‘Brett’s’ misinformation fool you. His counter-intelligence is impeccable. In fact, if I was in his position, I would like to try and cover my tracks as well. But as a good and dutiful blogger, I must reveal the truth.
It all started on fateful night about a year ago in April I think. It had been raining for about two weeks straight and we all had some cabin fever, not to mention that it had been an extremely long winter.
I think ‘Brett’ may have been affected by a mild case of Seasonal Affective Disorder. Either way hadn’t seen sunlight for several months. All we could here was maniacal laughter coming from behind his door at odd hours of the night, and the occasional scream and loud thump. After greeting him in the hall one night and his only reply was a grunt and a growl, I thought it was best to intervene.
I gathered all my courage and walked down the hall, but when I got to the door it was cracked open. I thought he was there, so I peered inside. The room was a mess – Doritos everywhere, the mattress thrown against the wall, and a few things I won’t mention.
The thing that gathered my attention the most though was the picture on the wall. It was a huge banner with strange symbols. I decided to take a picture quick as evidence and then noticed a note on the desk below the banner.
“After many long nights of toil, I have finally completed it.
This mural is a representation of all of Dick Cheney’s good qualities. Now I understand there aren’t many, but here they are.
1) The lady with the horn represents Mr. Cheney’s impeccable listening qualities. In fact, I think he is listening to me now. Damn you Cheney and your wiretapping.
2) The picture of the hunter is a depiction of Mr. Cheney’s impeccable shot and hunting skills. His shot was so good that he was able to shoot a man in the face and not even kill him. He even had the man apologize for being shot.
3) The Narwhal shows your inability to stop in the face of extreme political pressure. Those dirty hippies and their environmental theories kept pestering you about global warming and drilling in Alaska, and how they ‘will have irreversible effects’. Well, here’s an inconvienient truth, Dick Cheney doesn’t give a crap.
4) The Car and the Money signs represent your tenacious business dealings and unrelenting drive to succeed economically. Haliburton had enormous success while you were CEO and after you stepped down to take on being Vice-President. Good thing no ties remained with you and the contractor after you invaded Iraq.
5) The Key and the swinging man show your unwavering support for security. So, much so that you leaked a CIA informants name to the press ruining her career. She was getting in the way with her liberal babel. You also ignored that pesky international agreement called the Geneva Convention and made Americas image abroad of treaty ignoring badass. Screw the idea that we’re a democracy and support basic human rights.”
There were a few more numbers and incoherent notes, but I was a little scared so I backed out of the room slowly. About a week later, ‘Brett’ reemerged as his normal self. I asked him about the picture and he quickly brought me to the side and whispered, ‘that I should never reveal the banners secrets’.
To this I can only reply,