Dramatic Increase in Diabetes Believed to be Caused by “Icing” Phenomenon
By BUNK LAMPOON
New York, NY. — A report last week showed an alarming increase in diabetes among the 20-30 year olds. Doctors are blaming this spike on a new fad called “Icing.”
The Icing tradition has become popular within the past few months. It is a game where if a person is presented with a Smirnoff Ice they must get on one knee and drink the bottle. One can counter being Iced by carrying another Ice with them. If this occurs, the original person who presented the Ice must now drink two.
A few helpless victims have fallen prey to the negative side effects of this twisted fad. One such case is that of Rob Jones. He never carried an ice on him to counter his fratmates love for the game. Because of this he was “Iced” a staggering 27 times in two days. Rob was found confused, shirtless, and inebriated in a local Wendy’s. He was taken to the local hospital where he was informed of his pre-diabetic condition.
Rob’s fratmate, Tucker Richardson, stated, “it was really funny until his pancreas stopped working.” Rob and has now sworn off Icing as an “evil game,” while Tucker still continues to ice people, but “less intensely.”
Rob’s doctor, Julie Green commented saying that she’s “confused at why people are doing this to one another. They think it’s all fun and games, but the amount of sugar in these drinks is staggering. It’s like drinking four alcohol soaked pixie sticks.”
School officials are now proposing bans on the fad since several of these cases have sprung up around the country. Politicians seem to be taking sides too with an election year coming up. Republicans are refusing to support any legislation banning Icing stating that it is an attack on “traditional values,” while Democratic politicians are outraged and calling for a ban on Icing and a dramatic tax on all of Smirnoff’s products.
Spokespeople from Smirnoff refused to comment, but have been trying to curb the Icing phenomenon since it started becoming popular. For now, the fad continues but doctors are hoping to get ahead of it by labeling it as a public health crisis..